In doing some research on Mitt Romney, I came across this, a guide written by Mark E. Peterson that instructs young Mormons on how to overcome masturbation.
It's the most unintentionally funny thing I have ever read.
What are those steps? Well, let's take a look.
From the Guide to Self-Control:
- If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
Yes, to stop sinning, we all must cut off relations with those who masturbate. And if you have a buddy with whom you like to masturbate, break up with your boyfriend.
- When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
Homoerotic much?
- If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
Yes, because masturbation is so much worse than unhealthy weight gain.
From Suggestions:
- Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Because there is nothing less arousing than a Dale Carnegie book. And people who have lots of friends NEVER masturbate.
- In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.
So when you fell the need to masturbate, just imagine that you are a contestant on Fear Factor.
- In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
Bondage! Otherwise, that one speaks for itself.
iViva Romney!